THE DESTRUCTION OF SODOM
Thereafter, Bias ventured to the city of Sodom in order to make mischief for Abraham’s nephew Lot. He arrived at Sodom that evening and found Lot sitting at the gate of the city. Lot invited Bias to his home and prepared a meal for him, and the two of them ate together. But the men of Sodom, young and old alike, gathered outside Lot’s house. And they called to Lot, “Where is the man who came home with you tonight? Bring him out so that we may know him.”
Bias started toward the door, but Lot stepped in front of him and said, “Please, sir, do not go out there.”
To which Bias replied, “What is the harm in my getting to know the men of Sodom?”
“You don’t understand,” Lot said. “Those men want to…know you.”
“So you mentioned. Therefore, I will have intercourse with them!”
Lot slapped his forehead but remained between Bias and the door.
“The thing is—”
“Stand aside,” Bias said.
Lot knew it was no use to say more, so he stood aside. Bias came to the door. Before he opened it, however, he turned once more to Lot. “Those men must have a leader. What is his name?”
“Menesh,” Lot answered.
“I will speak to this Menesh.”
With those words, Bias swung open the door and stepped outside.
The men of Sodom let out a collective “Ooh!” as they caught sight of him.
Then Bias shouted, “Is there a man among you who is called Menesh?”
There was a brief commotion near the front of the crowd, and one man was shoved forward by the rest.
“Oh, you bitches!” the man hissed.
“You are Menesh?”
“Yes, I suppose,” Menesh replied.
“Are you or are you not Menesh?”
“May I be frank?”
“What would be the purpose?”
“Let’s just say that Menesh is not Frank, all right?”
“Very well,” Bias said. “But Menesh is a fine name.”
“Yes, but Frank is forceful. It’s just so…out there.”
“If you insist.”
“And I have a name for you as well,” Frank said.
Frank smiled. “Yes, I would like to call you ‘Buns.’”
“Buns!” the men of Sodom chanted. “Buns! Buns!”
Bias regarded them, skeptically. “Buns?”
“Don’t you just love it? It’s so giving. So receptive.”
“Very well,” Bias said. “Now what is it that you would like to talk about?”
The men looked at him, and then at one another, in confusion.
Bias asked, “Do you or do you not want to know me?”
“Yes!” the men cried.
“How will you come to know me without intercourse?”
Then Lot pulled open the door to his house, grabbed Bias by the arm, and attempted to drag him back inside.
“Just a minute,” Bias told the men.
He stepped back into Lot’s house.
As soon as Bias was back inside, Lot pushed him to the center of the room. He hurriedly latched the door and braced himself in front of it and would not permit Bias to pass.
Bias looked at him in astonishment. “Are you out of your olive-picking mind?”
“You still don’t get it,” Lot cried. “Those men, they’re determined to know you. If you step back outside, they will know you.”
“Yes, and I’ll know them. You’re acting as though they want to butt fuck me.”
“They do want to butt fuck you,” Lot said.
Bias tried to wrap his mind around the words. “You’re pulling my leg, right?”
“No,” Lot replied. “I’m telling you the truth.”
“Enough!” Bias said. “I must hear this for myself.”
He stepped back outside, and now the men of Sodom took several steps in his direction, but he thrust his arms out in front of him, and the men halted their advance. Then Bias said to them, “I’ve heard shocking reports of your intentions, but I don’t credit them. I therefore inquire of you, men of Sodom, do you indeed wish to butt fuck me?”
“Yes!” the men cried.
“But this…this is not normal,” Bias said. “Surely, you realize that.”
“Don’t call us Shirley,” Frank replied.
“You know what I mean.”
Frank shook his head. “Who decides what’s normal or abnormal?”
“Custom, I suppose. Or majority rule. Or design.”
“Arbitrary. Arbitrary. And fuck-you-very-much.”
“Nevertheless,” Bias said, “you need an in-group and an out-group.”
“You just do.”
“How do you explain us?” Frank said. “The men of Sodom are all in.”
“All of them? I find that hard to believe.”
The men of Sodom trembled at the word “hard.”
“All of us,” Frank said, then took another step toward Bias.
Bias stared him down, “The odds against such a gathering seem long.”
The men of Sodom trembled at the word “long.”
Then Frank came even closer, “The odds are not long at all if you give the matter a moment of thought. Why do you suppose each of us came to Sodom? It sounded like a happening place.”
It was at that moment that Frank laid his hand on Bias. Then, at once, Bias’s wrath was kindled against the men of Sodom, and he lifted his arms above his head, and the men were instantly struck blind. As they staggered away from Lot’s house and attempted to find their way home, Bias returned inside. He found that Lot had awakened his two daughters from their slumbers and made them stand just inside the door. “Why are they here?” Bias asked Lot.
Lot answered nervously, “No particular reason.”
So Bias departed Lot’s house. Lot accompanied him as far as the gates of the Sodom, where they encountered two strangers. Bias nodded toward Lot as the pairs of men came together and whispered to the two strangers, “Stick with this guy. He’ll treat you right. But watch your backs ’cause that’s crazy town!”